Wild Nashville Ways Page 6

  “It definitely makes things easier. And that’s why I think it’ll work now.”

  She shook her head. “None of it sounds easy to me. I don’t need to go to fancy places or let you buy me pretty things. I just need to be my own person.” She stepped back, wobbling a little in her boots. “You should go now.”

  My pride took an immediate beating.

  That was it? That was her decision? To send me away? I couldn’t stand the thought of us disappearing from each other’s lives again, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t beg her.

  I slipped on my sunglasses, frowning beneath them. After an awkward pause, she walked toward the house.

  I wanted to call her back over to me, to grab her, to shake her, to kiss her. But I climbed in my truck, hurt and frustrated that she’d rejected me, and drove off, leaving her behind.

  I took the back roads to Pine Tower, thinking about her the entire time. There was a hole in the pit of my stomach. The emptiness of going home alone, I thought.

  Once I got there, I stopped to chat with a group of fans gathered at the security gate, letting them stand beside my window and take some selfies with me. Even with as miserable as I was, I managed to smile.

  Later, when I arrived at my big sprawling house, I spotted Zeke, sitting on the porch steps and waiting for me.

  Instead of heading inside, I sat beside him and gazed out at my property, taking in the cool blue lake, the floating dock, the grassy knolls and thick green forest.

  He removed his tie and tucked it into his pants pocket, waiting for me to speak. I turned toward him, and he squinted, probably seeing a reflection of himself in my mirrored lenses.

  I asked, “What did you find out?”

  He quit squinting and said, “Your mother took a bus across the border, from Tijuana, Mexico, to San Diego, California. She arrived three days before the letter was postmarked. My guess is that she’s staying with someone, a friend or acquaintance, and that they picked her up in San Diego and took her to LA.”

  “I want you to search for her there.”

  “I will, but what do you want me to do if I find her?”

  “I don’t know.” I couldn’t focus that far ahead. “Do you still think I’m going to get another letter?”

  He nodded. “Yes, I absolutely do.”

  “Then I wish she would hurry up and send it.” But in spite of my impatience, it wasn’t my mother who consumed me today. It was Tracy.

  And how badly I missed her already.

  Five

  Tracy

  I was back in my own house, sleeping in my own bed. Pop was doing much better and didn’t need me to stay with him anymore. But when I was alone like this, all I did was think about Dash.

  I was scheduled to work tomorrow at the feedstore, and here I was, tossing and turning. How was I going to get up in the morning refreshed and ready for work?

  The feedstore itself seemed like a problem, too, since it was the place where I’d first met Dash. Everything in my life was intertwined with him, somehow.

  The most disturbing part, of course, was that I still loved him. He assumed otherwise, but he was wrong. I was glad, actually, that he couldn’t tell how I felt. Nonetheless, it wasn’t healthy for me to care about him, and especially not after all this time. But my stupid heart didn’t know the difference.

  I sat up and tugged at my clothes. I was wearing a pajama tank top and skimpy little panties. It was hot in my room, the summer night humid and sticky. The swamp cooler in my house had gone out a few months ago, and I couldn’t afford to fix it.

  I had a fan blowing, but it wasn’t helping. I turned on the light, rolled up the blinds, opened the window and stared out at the night sky. It was filled with stars.

  Real stars, I thought. Not the celebrity kind.

  I needed to figure out what to do about Dash. I certainly couldn’t lose sleep over him every night.

  Maybe my logic was skewed, but my gut instinct was to just have an affair with him and cleanse this crazy hunger from my blood. No dating. No friendship. No romance. Just down-and-dirty sex.

  If I controlled the affair, if it happened on my terms, it might give me a sense of power and help me to stop loving him.

  Dang, but how freeing would that be?

  Besides, I needed a hot, wild romp. Otherwise I might end up feeling like an old maid—me and my failing ovaries.

  Should I propose an affair? Should I actually go through with it? Or would it create even more problems? I couldn’t be sure, but avoiding him wasn’t working. He was still consuming me.

  Of course, if I slept with him, I would have to lay some ground rules. And Dash would have to abide by them. I wasn’t going to let him take over. I deserved to take a stand, to be a strong and independent woman, without the burden of love.

  I reached for my phone and checked the time. It was 3:16. Whatever I did, I had to do it soon, because I couldn’t go through this every night. Maybe I would run it by Alice after I got off work tomorrow. At least I could get her opinion.

  I turned off the light and went back to bed, hoping that I was on the right track.

  And that someday my feelings for Dash would be gone.

  * * *

  The next evening, Alice and I convened in her stylishly decorated living room, each with a Maltese dog on our lap. I ran my fingers through Cookie’s fur. She was the one keeping me company. The other one’s name was Candy, and they were the first dogs Spencer had ever rescued. Now they were part of his and Alice’s family.

  “What do you think?” I asked her. I’d just told her about my Dash idea.

  She cautiously replied, “I understand that you don’t want to have a conventional romance with him. But what if the affair backfires and leaves you longing for more? You could end up regretting it.”

  “What more am I going to be longing for? I was engaged to him and pregnant with his baby. I can’t get those things back.”

  “I like that you’re approaching this as a way to make yourself stronger. And that you’d be presenting him with a set of rules. But do you trust him to follow them?”

  “He won’t have a choice if he wants me back in his bed.”

  She angled her head, her platinum hair illuminated by a multicolored chandelier. “It sounds like he wants more than that, though.”

  “Because he wants to take me out and buy me nice things?” I shifted in my seat. “How is that relevant?”

  “What about his apology about the past? About not being ready for fatherhood when you got pregnant?”

  “That doesn’t change anything. Nor does it make him capable of love. He was clear about his stand on that.”

  She sighed. “It’s not good that you still love him.”

  In the silence that followed, I petted Cookie again, and the dog snuggled deeper into my lap. Alice fussed over Candy, too, straightening her glittery pink bow. The dogs were orphaned sisters that had lost their original owner when she’d died. Spencer had found them, alone and afraid, hiding under his porch.

  I glanced up and said, “You know the saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? That’s been true in my case. The years Dash and I have been separated have only made me miss him more. But if I fight it head-on, I might win.”

  Alice met my gaze. “If you want to have an affair, and he’s willing to accept your terms, then go for it. It’s got to be better than how things are for you now.”

  “Definitely.” I sat a little straighter, gaining strength from her support. I needed as much girl power as I could get. “But I’m still not going to sing with him.” I wasn’t interested in a duet. That would give him too much control over me and my career. “It’s just going to be sex. Then it’ll be over, once and for all.”

  She smiled. “You look relieved.”

  “I am.” But I was still nervous about following through
and making it happen.

  * * *

  Later that night, I debated my options. Should I invite Dash over to discuss what was on my mind? Or should I do it over the phone?

  I did neither. I tidied up instead, walking around my house, going from room to room, putting dishes away, dusting furniture, fluffing pillows and smoothing cushions.

  Sometimes I cleaned when I was anxious. Other times I made a mess. Tonight, I was in cleaning mode. But it made sense, in a symbolic way, since I was trying to clean up my life.

  Finally, I sat down and opened my laptop. Determined to keep things in perspective, I created a checklist, making my rules clear.

  Was I traveling down a slippery slope, preparing to sleep with my ex? Maybe. But it was better than obsessing about him day and night.

  After I finished the list, I decided to call. It seemed like the safest solution. Somehow, I just couldn’t have this conversation face-to-face.

  I dialed his number, but he didn’t answer. It went to his voice mail. Now I was stuck, sitting here waiting to hear back from him. I considered cleaning some more.

  But before I could pick up my dustrag, Dash returned my call. I answered on the fourth ring. I didn’t want to seem too eager, which was weird. I was the one who’d contacted him to begin with.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked. “Is your dad all right?”

  “He’s fine.” I gazed at the embroidered Home Sweet Home pillow on my sofa. I’d purchased it as a gift for myself when I’d bought this house. “I wanted to talk about us.”

  “About me taking you out?”

  “Yes.” I forced myself to say it, as openly and honestly as I could. “I don’t want to date or be friends. But I wouldn’t mind sleeping with you again.”

  He went silent on the other end. Like when crickets chirped in a movie to show you how awkward it was. I had no idea what he was feeling.

  Was he stunned? Aroused? Offended? Confused?

  Or had the call been dropped, so he hadn’t even heard my proposal? Wouldn’t that just be my luck?

  “Dash? Are you still there?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. I just...” He hesitated. “Are you asking me to have a one-night stand?”

  “I’m asking you to have an affair. I’m not sure for how long, exactly. A few weeks, a few months. It’ll depend on how it goes and when we’re both ready for it to end.” I reached for my laptop and opened the list, doing my best to stay focused, to not get emotional. This was a huge step for me, and I couldn’t let myself falter, even if my heart was beating a nervous cadence. “I have some rules that you’ll have to agree to.”

  “Rules?” He sounded wary.

  My heart was still pounding. I took a deep breath. “There’s only five.”

  “Then let’s hear them.”

  I went for it, rushing the words out. “First off, you can’t sleep with anyone except me while we’re together.” His groupies were definitely off-limits. “I won’t be with anyone, either.” Not that I had other men waiting in the wings, but I figured it was only fair for both of us to be monogamous. “Secondly, we’re not going out in public or letting the press know that we’re seeing each other.” I absolutely, positively needed to keep my trysts with him private. “Thirdly, you’re not spreading the wealth and buying me things.” I wasn’t going to be controlled by his money. “The fourth one is that I’m not recording a duet with you, not before, during or after the affair.” I didn’t want him to keep bugging me about that. “And lastly, we walk away with a clean slate when it’s over. No messy breakup, no emotional turmoil.”

  “Damn, Tracy. You’re really being methodical about this.”

  “I just want to keep it focused on the affair.” I wasn’t about to admit how anxious I was about getting this right. Or that deep in my bones, I still loved him.

  “But it sounds so...clinical.”

  I pressed the issue. “Are you interested or should I just hang up now?”

  “Hold on, girl, give me a minute.” He released an audible breath. “Can I impose some rules, too?”

  “No,” I said quickly. I couldn’t let him take over. I needed to be the lover in charge.

  “Can we start it on your birthday?” he asked.

  I considered his suggestion. It had to start sometime, so why not on the day I was born? Or reborn, I thought, and reprograming myself to stop loving him. “We can get together that day, but you have to promise to abide by my rules.”

  “I will, but can we at least try to make it seem like a date?”

  I challenged him. “It won’t change anything. It’ll still just be sex.”

  “Yeah, but it’ll make me feel better for us to treat it like a date.” His voice turned raspy. “I want to be with you, Tracy. On your birthday, with you hot and naked in my bed. But I want to wine and dine you, too.”

  I fought a shiver. He was making me feel warm and sensual. But I still needed to hang tough. “You can wine and dine me at your house. But not anywhere else.” I wasn’t going to let him con me into going out in public with him. I wasn’t going to date him for real.

  “Okay,” he conceded. “You can come over, and I’ll have my chef prepare a meal. We can crack open a bottle of wine and soak in the hot tub, too. Will you stay the night? I’d really like it if you would.”

  Should I sleep at his house?

  “Yes,” I said. “I’ll stay.” It seemed less emotional than coming home late at night, disheveled, with the scent of his skin on mine. At least I could shower and change my clothes at his place in the morning. “I’ll pack what I need.”

  “I’ll have Zeke come get you.”

  “I can take my truck.”

  “If you’re trying to keep this under wraps, then it would be better if your truck isn’t spotted driving through my security gate. I’ve got some diehard Dashers who sometimes hang out there, and they might snap a picture of you or the license plate on your truck.”

  “Okay, I’ll ride with Zeke.” I definitely didn’t want Dash’s fans figuring out who I was and plastering my information all over the internet.

  “I’m looking forward to seeing you.”

  “Me, too.” I was also looking forward to shaking him from my blood, to living the rest of my life without my heart being entangled with his.

  This affair had better cure me of my ills. If it didn’t, I would just be sleeping with the man I reluctantly loved, with no relief in sight.

  * * *

  I fussed over what to wear on my birthday. I finally decided on a skintight dress and tall, sexy boots, making myself look like a sultry cowgirl. For the final touch, I curled my hair, tumbling it into massive waves.

  Zeke picked me up, wearing his customary suit and driving the same luxury SUV I’d seen him in before.

  I rode in the back seat, and I could feel him glancing at me from time to time in the rearview mirror. We didn’t speak during the drive, other than for him to ask me if I wanted him to turn on the radio.

  I agreed, and we listened to a country station. When one of Dash’s hits came on, I wished I’d opted to leave the radio off. Hearing his twangy voice only made me more nervous.

  As we traveled farther into the country, I gazed out the window. Plants and trees bloomed along the way, making everything look soft and summery.

  We arrived at the gate, and sure enough, there were fans hanging around. Thank goodness they couldn’t see me in the back seat, not through the darkly tinted windows.

  Once we drove onto the property, and Dash’s house came into view, I sat a little more upright. Now I understood why it was called Pine Tower. The blue-and-white country-style mansion was surrounded by a forest. There was also a private lake with ducks floating on the water. I assumed the equestrian facility was beyond the house somewhere.

  “How many acres is this?” I asked Zeke. The sun was beginning to
set, creating a hush over the land.

  “Altogether, it’s about three hundred.” He gestured to his left. “I live in one of the guesthouses across the lake. So do Chef and some of the other staff.”

  “It’s really impressive.” Dash had gotten everything he’d always wanted.

  And now he was going to have me, too. For a little while, anyway.

  I glanced up and saw that he’d just come outside and was waiting for us on the wraparound porch. He looked like a mirage. The man I used to know. The man who’d become a star.

  Zeke parked the SUV and opened my door for me. As he went around the back to remove my overnight bag, Dash started down the porch steps. When he smiled, I got warm all over.

  I returned his smile, determined to enjoy the moment. And when he kissed me, I damned near melted. I slid my arms around his waist, relishing the feel of his whip-hard body against mine. I tucked my hands into the back pockets of his jeans, getting a nice tight grip on his butt, and we both sucked in our breaths.

  Zeke cleared his throat, and we separated. By then, my bag had already been moved onto the porch.

  After the bodyguard bade us goodbye and drove off, Dash kissed me again, and I rubbed against him. We hadn’t even gone into the house yet, and we were already getting intimate.

  Finally, he whispered, “Happy Birthday,” in my ear.

  Happy, indeed. I was tingling, my nipples hard beneath my low-cut bra, my panties silky against my skin.

  He took my hand. “I’ll give you a tour of the house and let you get settled. Then we can have dinner in my bedroom, on the balcony.”

  “That sounds nice.” I was eager for our evening to begin.

  The house consisted of eight bedrooms and ten bathrooms. The main floor featured built-in bookcases, wood-burning fireplaces, a cozy den and a sunny kitchen equipped with an elevator used to serve meals to the master suite. I noticed a breakfast nook with bay windows, too. Also located on the bottom floor were a massive parlor, a formal dining area, a gym and a media room that opened into a music room, where Dash kept his equipment and awards and such.