The Bachelor's Baby Dilemma (Family Renewal) Page 6

  “He’s a cool kid. It did take some of the pressure off to be around him. But it added some pressure, too.”

  The opening she’d been waiting for. “How so?”

  “Seeing how active he is, for one thing. You warned me that he was in perpetual motion, and you were right. That little dude never stops going. I got worn-out just watching him.”

  “It was sweet when he hugged you.” There. She’d said it. She’d brought it up.

  “It was sweet,” he agreed. “So damned sweet. But just when I was getting used to holding him, when it felt good and right, he was gone.”

  “All Jude did was run off to play.”

  “I know. But it still affected me in a weird way. I wish I could go back to being the guy I used to be. No responsibility, no one to take care of but myself.”

  The sans-baby bachelor? “You can’t be that guy anymore.” She handed him the potato salad. “Ivy needs you.”

  “I’m going to try to do right by her. I swear I am.” He turned away to face the counter to dump the mixture into a plastic container. “But I’m just so out of my element.” He paused. “Maybe I should go on a binge before Ivy is born. Maybe I should get raging drunk and have tons of sex.”

  She stared at his broad back. He’d gone from babies to sex in ten seconds flat. “With who?”

  He didn’t turn around. “With anyone who wants to join me.”

  She glided her gaze downward, studying the narrowness of his hips, the way his jeans cupped his butt. “Anyone?”

  “Any noncommittal woman,” he clarified.

  “Like the women you’re used to dating.”

  “Yeah, I suppose any of them would do.” He finally spun around, facing her once again. “Unless you’re volunteering.”

  The breath in her lungs rushed out. She felt instantly light-headed, stupidly swoony. To keep herself steady, she clutched the rim of the sink. “I’m not a party girl.”

  “I know.”

  “Then why did you say that?”

  “Because I wanted you ever since I saw you again.”

  Her misbehaving libido wanted him, too. But she knew it wouldn’t solve anything. “We can’t. We shouldn’t. It wouldn’t do either of us any good.”

  “I know,” he said for the second time.

  But he’d still brought it up. Was it his way of clearing the air, of getting the feeling out of his system? She wasn’t about to ask him if it helped.

  It wasn’t helping her. If anything, it reminded her of how inexperienced she was.

  “I’ve only ever had one lover,” she said, confirming how truly different she was from him. “I haven’t been with anyone except for my ex.”

  He frowned. “You must have been married for a long time.”

  “No, actually, it was a short marriage. It only lasted about three months. But I knew him a long time. I met him when I was nineteen, and we dated on and off for eleven years.”

  Tanner’s frown deepened, lines crinkling at the corners of his eyes. “So, is it safe to assume that you didn’t wait until you were married to be together? Otherwise, your timeline doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

  “That’s a safe assumption.” She moved away from the sink, busying herself with the leftovers. The way Tanner was studying her made her feel like a traitorous virgin under a microscope, the same silly girl who’d fussed about the importance of a wedding night. “It happened about a year into our relationship.”

  “When you were twenty?”

  “Yes, and I married him when I was thirty.”

  “And now you’ve been divorced for four years?”

  “That’s right.” The math wasn’t complicated, but the story was, and it seemed obvious that Tanner was thinking the same thing.

  “If you dated on and off for eleven years, then why weren’t you with anyone during the off times?”

  “If I gave myself to another man, I was concerned that it would diminish what I’d built with him.” She scrunched up her face, cursing her loyalty. “He was with other women when we weren’t together, though.”

  “He sounds like a prince.” He made a sarcastic sound. “Why do guys like that always get the best girls?”

  Was that supposed to make her feel better? She rounded on him, clutching the cheese platter in front of her. “I seem to recall you breaking up with me, not the other way around.”

  He backed down. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I guess I’m just feeling betrayed because he got to have you, and I didn’t.”

  “He doesn’t get to have me anymore.”

  “Apparently no one does.”

  “I don’t have affairs. That isn’t something I’m comfortable doing.”

  “If you ever decide you want to be wild and free, I’d be glad to accommodate you.”

  She set the platter down. “Don’t push your luck.”

  He had the gall to grin. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

  “Really? That how you’re going to play this?” She fired a little square of cheddar at his chest.

  It hit him in the vicinity of his heart.

  But he didn’t seem to notice the implication. Would it have been smarter to aim for his fly? Whatever the case, he laughed and looked for something to pelt her with.

  He found the leftover kebabs, and she widened her eyes. If he speared one of those at her, he could do some serious damage.

  “Ha!” he said, wielding it like Zorro. “I just scared you, didn’t I?”

  He scared her in lots of ways, even when he was just kidding around. “Truce?” She held out her empty hands, ending the food fight before it went too far.

  “Okay, truce.” He removed the tofu and vegetables from the skewers and put them in a ziplock bag. Then he asked, “Why was your marriage so short? Three months is nothing, especially after how long you’d known him.”

  Now she wished that she’d let him stab her with a kebab. Or a knife. Or a sword. Anything to keep her from having to answer the question. She didn’t want to tell him about the baby she’d lost. Not only did it hurt too much to say it out loud, to reveal the absolute truth about her marriage, they’d already had too many painful baby discussions.

  She kept her response vague. “He just said it was a mistake we made.” A baby they hadn’t meant to conceive, a marriage that shouldn’t have happened. “We had one of those quickie Vegas ceremonies.”

  “With just the two of you?”

  “No. Our parents were there. He’s close to his family. He wouldn’t have left them out.”

  “Who is he, anyway? What’s his name?”

  “Vince McCall. He’s a fashion photographer. I met him when I first started modeling. In fact, he was the photographer my mom hired to shoot my portfolio pictures. He was already fairly well established by then.”

  “I’ll bet your mom didn’t blame him for the divorce.”

  She wished that Tanner wasn’t so astute. Or so inquisitive. “No, she didn’t.” The fault had been Candy’s for getting pregnant and insisting on keeping the baby. “She admired him for trying to boost my career. To her that was more important than me marrying him.” Or having a baby, she thought. “Mom was fine with me being Vince’s lover. She thought that was more glamorous than me being his wife.”

  A muscle ticked in Tanner’s jaw. “She forbade me from going into your bedroom, but she encouraged you to be with him.”

  “I was of age when I was with him.”

  “You should change your name back to Sorensen. You shouldn’t be Candy McCall anymore.”

  She considered his suggestion, wondering why she hadn’t done it before now. Was it because McCall would have been her baby’s surname? “Maybe I will. Maybe after escrow closes, I’ll have time to deal with it.”

  “That’s a g
ood idea. Start fresh. Start new.”

  “You’ll be starting over, too.”

  “Don’t I know it.” He smoothed his hair. A few short strands had fallen onto his forehead. “I still need to get raging drunk and have tons of sex.”

  “So this conversation is back to where it started?”

  His grin returned, slower, sexier. “Are you sure you don’t want to tie one on with me? I’ve got a big bottle of tequila back at my apartment, just waiting for me to crack it open.”

  She wished that she was the type who could handle something so cavalier. That she could toss back some shots, smile like a siren and lick salt off his naked torso. “Maybe in another life.”

  “Like in heaven?”

  Or in hell, she thought as they finished cleaning the kitchen, without another word about it.

  * * *

  Tanner went home and spent the rest of the evening scrolling through the contacts on his phone, looking for a willing woman. Tonight, tomorrow night or any night that she was available. It didn’t matter, as long as she was happy to oblige.

  But he kept moving past the same names and numbers, without stopping on any of them.

  Every time he came to the C’s and saw Candy’s contact information, he hesitated, tempted to call her.

  And say what? That he couldn’t stop thinking about her?

  He was becoming the king of longing, of wanting what he couldn’t have. Funny, how history repeated itself. He didn’t have a shot with her when they were young, and he didn’t have one now, either. But at least he’d gotten to touch her when they were kids, to kiss and dance.

  He wasn’t getting anything now, except friendship.

  Good, kind friendship, he thought. The bond between them was becoming genuine again, and for that he felt blessed.

  But that didn’t ease his hunger.

  He scrolled through his numbers again, focusing on his original agenda. Mindless sex and a sleep-until-noon hangover. He had the right to party, to blow off some steam before he buckled down to take care of Ivy. Besides, he could always fantasize that his bedmate was Candy.

  Really? a voice in the back of his mind said. You’d use another woman in place of her?

  He told his conscience to shut the hell up, but it didn’t listen. The voice remained, warning him to forget the drunken date. But that didn’t stop him from obsessing about Candy.

  Maybe she would sext with him. That wouldn’t be like a real affair.

  Yes, it would, the voice said. The electronic stuff counted. He couldn’t use it as an excuse to lure her into something dirty.

  Tanner snarled his frustration, wanting to bop himself in the gut. Or someplace where it would hurt.

  So how about a friendly call, just to hear her voice, just to see what she was doing? There was nothing illicit about that.

  He pulled up her contact info and let his phone dial the number. It rang in his ear. If she didn’t answer, he was going to feel mighty stupid for sitting here battling with himself.

  “Hello?” Her voice came on the line. She sounded surprised, but she obviously knew it was him. His name would have appeared on her screen.

  “Hey,” he said, trying to sound casual.

  “What’s going on, Tanner? What’s up?”

  “Nothing. I was just bored and thought I’d call to see how the rest of your night was going.”

  “I was just getting ready to soak in the tub.”

  That wasn’t what he needed to hear. Envisioning her naked and wet was the worst image she could’ve presented. “You must be exhausted.”

  “I am. It was a long day.”

  “You worked hard on the barbecue.” But that wasn’t what was on his mind, especially now that she’d mentioned soaking in the tub. This friendly call was torturing the crap out of him. He decided to come clean. “Truthfully, I didn’t ring you up because I was bored. I was looking for someone to sleep with, but called you instead.”

  Her breath hitched, low, shaky. “I have no idea what I’m supposed to say to that.”

  “Nothing, I guess. But just so I don’t seem like a total dog, I want you to know that I haven’t played around in a long time.”

  “How long?” She sounded suspicious, as if she didn’t trust his concept of time.

  “I don’t know the exact date. I’m not even sure who my last partner was. But I do know that it’s been around five or six months.”

  “Not remembering who you were with isn’t helping your cause.”

  “I still sound like a dog?”

  “Yep.”

  “At least I’m telling you about it. I’m not close enough to the women I sleep with to confide in them about Ivy, and ever since I agreed to become her guardian, I’ve been too stressed out to be with anyone. Sex has been the last thing on my mind.”

  “But then you ran into me and your desire came back?”

  “Pretty much, yeah.”

  “I don’t know whether to be flattered or confused by that.”

  He didn’t know, either. All he knew was how she affected him. The heat. The wanting. The restraint. The uncharacteristic envy over her ex.

  “Who else knows about the baby besides me and Eric and Dana?” she asked. “Have you told anyone that you work with? Or any of your other friends?”

  “Not yet. Every time I think I’m ready to say it, I can’t seem to find the words.”

  “Oh, Tanner.” She heaved a sigh. “You can’t hide it forever.”

  “I know. I’m working up the courage.”

  “Not saying it isn’t going to make it any less real.”

  “I just don’t want anyone judging my sister or gossiping about what she did. Nor do I want to have to bring the baby around for everyone to see her. I need to get used to her first.”

  “You will. After she arrives, it’ll get easier.”

  He sure as hell hoped so. “Do you want to hang out with me on your next day off? Just as friends,” he clarified. He’d already convinced himself to stop pursuing her.

  “Sure. That sounds nice. Where should we go? What should we do?”

  “We can go bowling,” he said and made her laugh. “Or you can come by and I’ll give you a tour of my stables.”

  “Actually, I’d like to see where you work and live.”

  “Okay. Then it’s a...” He almost said date. But he didn’t want to use that word. “Just let me know what day works for you, and I’ll arrange my schedule to fit yours. We can go riding, too, if you’d like.”

  “I haven’t been on a horse since you and I were together. But I’d like to give it a go, as long as you have a horse that’ll accommodate a novice like me.”

  “We definitely do. We have horses for every level of rider.”

  After they agreed on a day and time, she asked, “We’re talking about going out on trail, right? Not doing fancy, jumpy things in an arena?”

  “Yes, I’m talking about a quiet Western ride. Did you honestly think that I would put you in a situation you weren’t ready for?”

  “You were trying to get me into bed.”

  “I’m not trying anymore.”

  A beat of silence passed. Then another. He wasn’t sure what to do, other than to sit there, alone on his bed, with the phone pressed to his ear.

  Finally she said, “I’m going to go soak in the tub now. But I’ll see you next week.” She paused, then added, “Take care.”

  “You, too.” He ended the call and tried not to think about her, the girl he couldn’t have, stripping off her clothes for the bath.

  Chapter Six

  What a morning, Candy thought. She was meeting Tanner at his stables today, and she labored over what to wear. She’d already donned jeans and a simple shirt. Her clothes were easy enough. But the shoes w
ere giving her trouble.

  She had a pair of old cowboy boots stuffed in the back of her closet. She’d bought them at a thrift store years ago because she thought they were fun and funky, but she’d never worn them.

  She found the boots and slanted them a suspicious glance. They were ridiculously fancy, made of soft brown leather and embroidered with pink roses.

  Flowers, she thought, on her feet.

  Would she look stupid for wearing them to this outing? Oh, come on, she told herself, they were a logical choice, considering they were designed for riding. She was making too much of this.

  She slipped them on over her skinny jeans and checked her reflection in the mirror. They didn’t look half-bad. The fun and funky factor was still there.

  Trying to keep things natural, or as natural as a woman in flashy footwear could be, she did a light application of makeup and flat-ironed her hair.

  But something wasn’t quite right. It was her top, she decided. It was too plain for the boots. She needed a nicer balance between the two. So she went back to her closet and pulled out a pale pink cotton blouse with gathered sleeves.

  It worked much better. She looked sleek yet sassy. She made a goofy face in the mirror. The next boots she bought were going to be less noticeable.

  What next boots? She wouldn’t be making a habit of this. One little visit to Tanner’s place of business didn’t warrant another pair of boots.

  Candy brewed a cup of mint tea and fixed steel-cut oatmeal for breakfast, buying a little time to calm her nerves. The telephone conversation she’d had with Tanner—the bit about her being the object of his desire—weighed on her mind. The scariest part was that she’d been going through the same thing, with him bringing her dormant libido back to life. He’d been celibate for about five or six months, and she’d been sex-free for four years. The odds weren’t in her favor.

  But it didn’t matter because they weren’t going to act on those feelings. She’d made it clear that she wasn’t wired for an affair, and he’d extended an invitation to be friends and nothing more.

  So why did she have butterflies in her stomach? Friends shouldn’t make friends nervous.